Ramblings on Grace and God

So I struggle with the reality of grace even though I've experienced it and know it to be true. I don't deserve it and I rarely give it, but every time I fail, grace is there. As I grow older I see grace clearer, I still don't understand it, but I see it.

I wrestle with the reality of a God that doesn't beat the sh*t out of me when I fall, but he doesn't. He simply says, I love you, here's my hand, get up when you're ready. He doesn't force me to get up, I'm welcome to wallow in my failure as long as I want, he's there, with one hand on my shoulder, and the other ready to wipe my tears away and pick me up. But I'm selfish and I try to get up on my on, and his grace lets me try, he remains steady, waiting on my cry. We go back and forth, round after round, and he never changes. I don't get it, he should hate me by now, but his hand is there, waiting on my cry.

Grace really pisses me off sometimes, I don't deserve his love and yet he freaking loves me. I want faith to be black and white, right and wrong, he just wants to give me faith.

I'm selfish too, I take his grace, but I don't always give grace. Especially to people who don't look, smell, act, believe, and THINK like I do. But when I look at their life, his grace is there too. I don't get it, but I'm so thankful for it.