Who is my center???

As you read this post please keep in mind that I am a work in progress, seeking only to follow Jesus. I do not write this with a condemning spirit but with a heart of love for my fellow brother and sister whom I fear is living a life submitted to something other than Christ.

Long before moving to SF I have wrestled with the reality that in general most of us have no concept of what a life centered around Jesus looks like. Yes, we have our ideas of what the perfect Christian should be, but deep down there is no reality of what a life fully submitted to Christ should look like. As my spirit began to break over this subject we moved ourselves to a city condemned by most "christians" as a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah(although those that do probably have no idea why the cities were destroyed). Upon arriving in the city that is anything but that, my spirit longed for something deeper than the model institution that has been set before us as the church. My reality was shattered. What I once found safe horrified me. My comfort zone had been destroyed.

What I am realizing is that my entire life had been centered around the institution called the church rather than the founder of it whose name is Jesus. I had fully submitted my life to a corporation that has an industry like attitude toward what the Normal Christian Life should look like. I had become the Pharisee that looked upon Christ in the flesh and still had no understanding of who He truly was or is today. We no longer look at the true church as people living organically together, doing life together, fulfilling the promises of God together with a common bond, but we have made the church into a breeding ground for self righteousness that says if your not like me I can't love you. Our desire is not to show Christ but rather to make "them" one of "us". We have made ministry a profession rather than a normal part of everyday life for all who call themselves followers. Pastors forsake their own families to build an empire that will go down in history as their legacy. Members of churches worship their doctrine more than their God and worship their pastors more than their doctrine. These same members also feel that it is the pastors job to evangelize and proclaim the gospel, and their only obligation is to attend a service once a week and tithe 10%. The church has allowed the gathering to dictate lives rather than allowing life to dictate the gathering.

I am not condemning the institution, you see I've submitted my entire life up to this point to it. But I have a desire and a calling to call it what it is and to live my life following only Jesus, not the church, because I am the church and so are you.

I long for the day when our gatherings and worship services fill the largest stadiums, but not because of some man but because of Christ alone. I hope for the day when all who come in contact with me know that I love Jesus, not by what I say but by my actions. I desire to see multitudes turn to Jesus, not for my glory but His. I pray for the day when Sunday is not the beginning of the week where we come to be fed, but the celebration of a life lived the week before all for the glory of the Father. You see, I don't believe it's the Pastor's job to spoon feed someone that attends a service, his only job is to show you the way and equip you to feed yourself. I believe that if a man doesn't work he doesn't eat, the same goes for spiritual food, you have to long for it and seek it out, not count on a sermon to fill you up for a week.

I long for the day when my life is no longer centered around man's creation of God's church, but when my whole heart, body, spirit, and mind are centered only on Jesus. Then and only then do I think we can really begin to enter in to the life He has designed for us.

To know Christ is to know life. Until we begin to understand who He is we cannot serve Him, we can only serve a corrupt institution that truly believes it is doing the right thing. Our understanding of doctrine is secondary to knowing Him. Even our understanding of scripture is secondary to centering our lives around Him.

As I consider the very things that I am writing, their is a freedom revealing itself in my spirit. A freedom from bondage of a system that holds the true church down.

To put a box around God's true church and try to control life is a dangerous thing. The pharisee's did it. The catholic church of old did it. And yet in every situation where followers were sought out to be controlled a small faction of the people rose out to proclaim a real, living, intimate, relational Savior. The first generation of these people were the prophets of the Old Testament, then came the Apostles and the early church fathers. After that we saw the champions of the reformation, and the puritans and pilgrims out of the churches control in England. I believe that we have again come to the place in history where the true church is in need of reformers, that will call a spade a spade and rise up and lead the way, not by their words, but by their lives.

Lives that are centered in Christ alone.